1. Not being present when spending time with each other

These days technology occupies much of our attention and time. When we spend time as a couple we should be giving each other undivided attention, your full presence, fully valuing the other. So much of our attention is demanded by many other important or even trivial things, when we are able to spend time together we need to put the distractions aside and really enjoy and focus on each other. The putting aside of distractions means putting aside cell phones, iPads, laptops/computers, television and even finding a sitter for the children. It is a time for really connecting as a couple and this involves communication, including active listening and feedback; as well as being content just being present but aware of each other in the silences. Prioritising your relationship is important, and requires conscious effort.

 

2. Wanting to be right

It is healthy to share your opinion and to respect the opinion of your partner. Keep in mind that there is much we do not know or understand. Be open to learning with humility as we interact with each other. Being right can be a lonely place, it prevents you from connecting with others. Listen to understand, not to argue or justify why your opinion might be right.

 

3. Not complimenting or thanking each other

It is easy to take one another for granted when we have been together for a while. However love is grown through how we act towards one another and what we say, this includes how we say things. We need to be aware of what the other does that is worthy of honest compliments. Kind words and being able to verbalise thanks for things that the other does leads to that person feeling valued and loved. Noticing what's wrong and complaining is unlikely to creates feelings of being valued and connected and can create a wedge in the relationship. However, there are times when feedback may not be positive, if so approach it sensitively with tact.

 

4. Nagging one another

The world and others do not do things according to our time table. Our partners need to be treated as adults who will behave responsibly. We need to learn the value of patience. Nagging is a form of control, which generally produces a negative response. We equally need to behave responsibly and reciprocate by doing what we have said or committed to do.

 

5. Trying to change each other

The only person we have the ability to change is ourselves. If change is needed it is ourselves that we can work on. Accept that you cannot change your partner but changing yourself may, in fact, bring change to the relationship.

 

References:

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/10-things-every-couple-needs-stop-doing.html

http://www.marcandangel.com/2013/10/09/6-things-every-couple-should-stop-doing/