"Good enough" parenting is a concept introduced to the field of parenting by the British Psychoanalyst, D. W. Winnicott. Many of his theories were more about the normal rather than the abnormal. His theory addresses the fact that none of us is a perfect parent, neither are our children perfect, and what is sufficient is the "good enough" parent. 

Winnicott's focus at the time was largely the "good enough mother" which he felt was aware of and pays attention to her baby/child. She provides a safe and nurturing  environment, offering both physical and emotional care. When she fails, which she will at times, she does not give up. She endures difficult or painful emotions and is able to makes sacrifices.  According to an article on the "good enough mother" written by Jennifer Kunst, Ph.D  "Winnicott’s good enough mother is not so much a goddess; she is a gardener. She tends her baby with love, patience, effort, and care".

The fundamental concept of "good enough" parenting is about being "real"; that it takes imperfect parents to raise a child. Kunst says the following of the children raised by real parents: "They need to learn to deal with disappointments and frustrations. They need to overcome their greed and their wish to be the centre of the universe. They need to learn to respect the needs and limitations of other people, including their mothers. And they need to learn to do things for themselves". 

The pitfall of striving to be a perfect parent can be that our children have been "overprotected" and have not learnt to deal with disappointing life events or difficult, painful emotions. "Overprotected" children have not learnt the lessons necessary in mastering life or the skills of being a member of society.  A "good enough" parent, put simply, is committed to being a parent. In an article written by Victoria Costello she list the actions of "good enough" parents as the following:

 

1. Assume responsibility for their lives.
2. Sacrifice some of their own interests for their children.
3. Provide limits for their children's behaviour.
4. Give their children hope for the future.
5. Want their children to become responsible, self-sufficient, and ethical adults.
6. Know that their children will inevitably face hurts and difficult times in their lives.
7. Give love and support while their children grow through the stages of childhood and adolescence into successful and responsible adults.
8. Help their children learn to delay the gratification of immediate urges and tolerate frustration.
9. Teach them to experience hard work and avoid harming others.

 

In concluding this article I have added this poem, on parenting, to reflect on.

 

If I Had My Child to Raise Over Again

 

If I had my child to raise over again,

I'd finger paint more, and point the finger less.

I'd do less correcting, and more connecting.

I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.

I would care to know less, and know to care more.

I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.

I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.

I'd run through more fields, and gaze at more stars.

I'd do more hugging, and less lugging.

I would be firm less often and affirm much more.

I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.

I'd teach less about the love of power,

and more about the power of love.

- Diane Loomans

 

References:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donald_Winnicott

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/headshrinkers-guide-the-galaxy/20120...

http://www.yourtango.com/experts/victoria-costello/are-you-perfect-too-g...