With current news headlines being rife about violence and abuse towards women and children I decided to focus on the subject of how to engage our children on the subject of child sexual abuse as a family so that we educate them and in doing so we are protecting them at the same time. Here are some guidelines to use as a family.

Firstly as parents you need to educate yourselves as to exactly what child sexual abuse is.  Sexual abuse can happen between children and is often defined by is a significant age difference (usually 3 or more years) between the children, or if the children are at very different development stages or there is a big difference in their size. Sexual abuse does not have to involve penetration, force, pain, or even touching. If an adult engages in any sexual behavior (looking, showing, or touching) with a child to meet the adult’s interest or sexual needs, it is sexual abuse.

It is best to get together as a family and generate (age appropriate) discussion about sexual abuse and, as a family, to create a family safety plan. Adults need to take the lead by opening discussion about what is healthy sexual behavior and what is abusive sexual behavior. Keep in mind the ages of the children you are engaging and make it appropriate. This discussion needs to take place more than once, it includes children, teenagers and adults and includes discussion about appropriate and inappropriate sexualized behaviors to ensure that they understand and remember the information. Each member of the family must know they can ask questions during the discussion, or talk further about any of these issues in private, at a later time.

Adults need to learn to recognize warning signs that a child may have been sexually abused or that an adult, adolescent or child may be touching a child in a sexual way. Some abusive behaviors may not involve touching; for example, showing pornography to a child is abusive, even if the child is not touched. We heed to teach children the proper names for body parts and what to do if someone tries to touch them in a sexual way. Young children must know that no one has the right to touch their private parts (unless for medical reasons) and that they should not touch anyone else’s private parts.

As a family set clear guidelines for personal privacy and behavior.  Discuss them with all members of your family and model respecting these guidelines. Discuss these guidelines with any other adults who spend time around or supervise the children (e.g., if a child does not want to hug or kiss someone hello or goodbye, then he or she can shake hands instead). Let children know that if they are not comfortable being around a particular adult or older child, then you or another adult will let that person know this (e.g., tell him or her that you don’t want your child to sit on his/her lap). As a child matures, boundaries may need to change (e.g., knock on the door before entering the room of an adolescent). Let your children know that you are available to talk with them on any of these issues, that it is not taboo, and know who and what your local resources are should you ever need to use them.

For further information visit: www.stopitnow.org